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Tuesday, February 5, 2008♥
♥ 12:07 PM
My butt feels sore for cycling more for an hour last night with my brother. :). Feels like old times when we used to be really close and we used to cycle together after school all the time. :)
So... why the lack of entries? Again..., I'm busy... :)... I'm really looking forward to thursday. My FAR-MAR--LYY is going to the beach. YAY-ness! I love u, beach! haha! I'm going to the beach... just so I can sleep... LIKE FINALLY. The last few days... I just couldn't sleep even though I am so so very tired. Luckily, I've got my ever loyal friends to accompany me thru' the night, even though their own eyes are like closing...:)
A lot of things happened since last i updated. But I shall not elaborate so much. Mainly coz if I did... this entry will never end. LOL. So yah, ain is back from australia and is busy doing reports, now thazie is in jakarta (SOBS), shah is busy with his project. And me? I'm acting busy. LOL. I've got tons to do at work but it's kinda great in a sense. At least I'm doing something with my life. :) I've got my bonus BTW! hehe. The bonus that I'm not suppose to get. ;). I'm not entitled to annual bonus bcoz well, I have not been an employee for at least a year. So i was kinda expecting only an ang pao. But hey, well, i read the thing... it's called performance bonus or smthg! Cool eh...! Thks2!
I finally met reno (that safety supervisor) on sunday and we went to play pool at Orchid country club @ yishun. How the date went? Hmmm... he isn't exactly the person he is on the phn... So I got bored and LUCKILY, he had D&D that nite so means no obligations for me to stay. I called calvin up and asked him to hang out with me at jrg east. So he did. Very last min but he made it! Yay! We chatted about all the shit in our life. We talked about HER. We talked about HIM.
And there has been this funny feeling in me for the past week that I just can't quite explain. It's been like that since I found his tent under my bed... So I've been trying to source for some kind of explaination to what exactly these feelings are... And I've concluded that I just feel confused, hurt, angry, relieved, happy, sad, disgusted, excited, proud and all the feelings you can possibly come up with rolled into one. I've been a walking ticking bomb. LOL. And just before thazie left for jakarta, he told me that it's ok to be confused and that I've been FORCED to grow up in such a short period of time. He's right, yet again. I've had to make crucial decisions of my own, control my weaknesses and hold myself together. Luckily, with the help of my friends. :)
Here's the thing. I'm not mad anymore. Admittedly, I still think of him. But I also think of other things. All these new guys coming into my life, from GOD knows where... and I can't give them anything. I can't even let them pay for the dates. Or fetch me from home. You know the littl2 things. LOL. I feel like if I let them pay for anything or everything just like HE did, then it makes them think that they have the right to hurt me. It's silly, in a sense. But that's my logic. :). I want to hate him, just hate him. I should, I could but I won't. I just won't.
WELL, NEWAY, after much putting aside, I finally paid the hospital bill. Sucks really... I haven't got much left for anything and it's only the beginning of the month, so good luck to me. Trying times... HAHA! Luckily, those other freaky frenz of mine are too busy to go out so I get to save some of my $$$ for more impt stuff. Like school... OUH ya! did I tell you? I should be starting middle of next month! I'm excited and worried at the same time.... Am I gonna do well? Can I manage my time?
Arh... whatever... Let's just go with the flow... :) Let's go wherever the ocean takes us...
your crazy touch, the strangest rush
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