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Monday, May 12, 2008♥
cant help but wait ♥ 1:27 PM
I was surprised. I really was. I was happy, shocked, nervous, clumsy. So much so that I wore my t-shirt inside out and went down without a single ICK of makeup.
It felt like a scene out of a movie screen.
Except that the heroine wasn't beautiful and the hero was extremely late.
He laffed when he saw me! How could he laf! :). He was LATE. A month late.
We talked. We hugged. And everything felt better. All the pain, all my confusion, all the problems in my head just went away. I knew already before his return that I and him would never be a couple no matter how much we wanted to be. And you must be thinking that him and me are crazy! After all, we love each other and we've been thru so much together. Sometimes, I think we're crazy too. But I know the fact that we love each other and that we've been thru so much together is EXACTLY the reason why we don't want to be together. We'll only hurt the wonderful friendship we have. And.... I just cannot lose him. I just cannot bear NOT having him in my life. As long as he's there, even only as a friend, as long as he's around in my life, I'm happy. And risking his presence in my life for love...?? I dun think I'm brave enough to risk it.
Everytime I look at his handsome face, I see flashes of arwah Remy. :(. And I know he sees the same when he looks at me. That's our main worry. Do we only love each other bcoz we share the same sorrow, bcoz we share the same loss? But no... I realise that I love him for the times he stood by me, for the times he cooked for me, for the times he took leave to take care of poor sick me, for the times I called for somebody else & he swallowed his pride, for the times he carried me home when I was too weak to walk, for the times he let me disgustingly wipe my tears on his shirt, for the times he came right down when I told him to just bcoz I was bored, for all the times he let me meddle with his car, for all the times he held my hand tight when he knew I was scared, for the times I needed hussari to be around but Thazie was the one who came to my rescue, for the time he slapped me to my senses, for being honest with me, for letting me believe that pokka tea really has magic, for wearing read skinny jeans on the same day as I did accidentally......
and yes I guess Arwah Remy has quite alot to do with it actually. He and I helped each other thru that period that was so hard for the both of us. Misery loves company. And I'm glad that he was the company that I found. I guess there were lots of other of Arwah's frenz that were upset too at his loss, but I think I found Thazie understood my loss the most. Coz Arwah was his best childhood fren, they shared pampers for god's sake! haha. kidding! They both were like GLUE! They covered each other's back and would take the bullet for each other. I mean WHR THE HELL DO U GET FRENZ LIKE THAT THESE DAYS?!
We cannot be together coz we care for each other too much. If that makes any sense. :). He knows that him going overseas often will hurt me. I know that too. He knows that our LONG and lovely friendship will be ruined if our relationship fails. I know that too.
See why I cannot lose this guy in my life?!!! He and I understand each other TOO well!!! He knows my flaws and I know his. I love his good points and he loves mine.
Haha. Welcome back, thazie! and dun ever surprise me like that again! I will slaughter you!!! I really will!!! LOL. And yes, let's think of it as sacrificing our love for the good of mankind! :). We're really "Hero & Heroine" ehk?! haha! U and ur bright ideas!
your crazy touch, the strangest rush
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