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Wednesday, January 28, 2009♥
that thing u have behind you is amazing ♥ 8:24 AM
I finally broke it off with Rafiq and strange enough, it didn't feel so good. I thought I would have died from relief, seeing how I've tried to break it off with him numerous times unsuccessfully. It's not what you think.
You're thinking I've hit the soft spot for him. ILA'S GONE SOFT.
Can't blame you actually. For a moment there, even I myself thought I've gone completely mental. So who do mental patients run to? MR AYIN! haha.
No, I didn't call my bestest frenz, my usual suspects or even my favourite ex-bf that I always confide in... I called the 34 year old guy who disagrees with me 60% of the time. Never gave in to me. Someone who is merciless with his words. But a guy completely understands my up & downs. And I have him to thank for keeping me so blardy grounded & humble all these years. So he just told me short & simple, "Think you've finally grown up." He went on to explain that I've finally showing some sort of remorse after all these years. Finally thinking of how it must feel for the other party. But he also told me that PITY is never equivalent to love and I must let go when I know it's toxic for me. :D. Thank you, ayin. 10 years down the road, I know I can still count on you.
Yet.
The glass is always cleaner on the other side...
eh wait.
the grass is always greener on the other side...
aahhh, that's more like it.
Hyder's obviously very happy, now that he has me all to himself. :D.
I'll let you all in on a little secret... pssst, c'mere... I'm happy too.
Well, to be honest, seems like quite a number of people are happy that I broke off with Rafiq. Haha. U noe who u r... And well, it goes to show what type of relationship I had with him. God bless I've still got backbone and I still got a mind of my own. I rather be skinned alive than to be one of those girls who get stuck for YEARS in a estranged/abusive relationship when they know full well that it's never gonna work. When they know that all they're gonna get is not love, just cuts, bruises and HURT.
I have to admit though. That I finally know how it is to be one of those girls. Stuck in a rut.
Being the feminist bitch that I am, I've preached ALL THESE YEARS on how STUPID girls have been to stick with this kind of guys. Abusive, rude, flirtatious, self-centered. The kind of guy who gives you HELL. I've screamed, berated and tried to knock it into these girls. Kept telling them to get up and leave. I kept thinking to myself, 'WHAT COULD POSSIBLY SO DIFFICULT? THE GUY'S NOT CUTE, NOT RICH, NOT NICE, NOT RESPONSIBLE?! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY SEE IN HIM?? WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT YOU KEEP HANGING ON TO?!"
Now, I understand. It doesn't help to explain. You really have to go thru' it yourself, then you'll understand.
He wasn't good-looking, he wasn't my type, he didn't make me laugh, he wasn't rich, he was a PMS-ing bitch, he doesn't have the word 'respect' and 'responsibility' in his dictionary, he was a male chauvinist pig. We were like gun powder and matches placed together. Yet despite my famous runaway scenes, I was determined to stay.
Let's just put it this way. This applies to not only the ladies, but the men as well. There comes a time in person's life when they think/feel that their LOVE will be enough to change the person in question. Perhaps the love they have will make the blind man see or kept the fat lady singing afloat?! Deluded? Well, i guess it's ok if it's just once upon a time... :). Even a cynic like me believes sometimes we need a lil' bit of faith to keep going on. LOL.
"I'm leaving, never looking back again. I've found somebody that does it better than he can." The song Hyder forced me to listen to. LOL. [Leavin' by Jesse McCartney]
your crazy touch, the strangest rush
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